my entire life I’ve been giving this speech about how I never want to get married, and now, all I think about is how fucked I am, how nobody will want to marry me anyway.
I think all my protestations about it were just to cover myself, in case nobody ever asked me.
and now I realise that it’s incredibly unlikely that anybody will ever ask me.
I hate that, I’m not 16 anymore, and I really want someone to believe that I’m the ONE! y’know?
J’s soulmate just basically said “I love you”
as glad as I am, why doesn’t anyone say that to me? like, I’m totally ok with that being a big fat lie, just big fat lie to me!
shit son, I just want SOMEONE to love me.
who can I convince to love me?
my new bed is awful lonely :(
we can just shnuggle, and read, and then test whether or not I put the bed up properly.
in my dream last night: the love of my life proposed to me, using an exact replica of The One Ring (off of LOTR obv).
I accepted obviously (I was wearing a beautiful red dress, I was about 5 stone lighter than I generally am, and his eyes were perfectly aligned)
the rest of the dream was just like a montage of me and him dancing to Ben Howard songs, and the theme tune to LOTR, whilst I was wearing a leaf embroidered dress, and he was carrying a sword.
I’m hoping to return to it tonight tbh.
I wanna move to Paris, meet the love of my life, and live in a tiny apartment, drinking red wine, and swishing around in floaty dresses.
is that really so much to ask?
my plan for the next year is to fall in love. I am actively going to chase love. Then I will convince the lunatic that I find to move to Paris with me.
let’s fuck, and pretend we never had any problems with each other in the first place.
I hate that all the things I love have been loved by someone else.
I can’t believe that it’s twenty past one in the morning, and you’re messaging me berating me because I’ve not been back to Liverpool, or Ireland to see you.
You come see me, although actually, you broke my heart, so I don’t even really want to see you.
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